I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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