so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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