Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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