I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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