if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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