Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
