I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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