I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
