Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
