So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
