just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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