Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
