So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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