Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
