Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
