Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
