oh god was she eating orange peels again
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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