dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
