I smell stomach acid.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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