just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My penis needs a shock collar
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
