just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
