and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
