Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can't turn off my feet"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
All the doctor said was why
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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