ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do vagina's smell?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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