Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
