Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
