Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
