U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
