Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
