You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we're making bets on your personal life
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
