there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
