The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
