ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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