I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
