Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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