Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
