Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
