Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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