i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dignity is for republicans.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
