does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
