she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Randomize
