No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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