My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
