Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
