I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
