dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ketchup is God's man juice
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
