I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
