Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
