ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
