think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
