But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
