I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
someone threw a dead crab at me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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