If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
